Handling the Sort-of Abusive Spouse - What can You Do?

Unfortunately, at one time or another, many clients can be targets of varying kinds of abuse or harassment by the spouse or ex-spouse.  When the abuse is physical, or verbal but very extreme in nature, this can be remedied with an Order of Protection obtained from the Court.  However, in the event that verbal, email, or text message abuse consists of messages like "you are an idiot" or "of course you do this because of your drinking" or "you only say whatever your new boyfriend tells you to say" this is more difficult to deal with. 

Essentially, unless the harassment is really severe, a court will not get excited enough about it to enter an order barring the conduct.  Further, enforcement becomes a big issue - if you don't have an Order of Protection the police will not enforce the order directly.  Your only remedy in that case is to go back to court to ask the Judge to hold the offended in contempt for violating the order.  This is as frustrating for us as it is for our clients.  We are hired to fix problems for people - when we cannot do that we a disappointed too.  While we are Cook and DuPage County Illinois divorce and family lawyers, this advice is likely universal in the United States.

My best advice is this:

1.  Never let 'em see you sweat.  That is, don't let your spouse or ex know this is bothering you.  If they find out they are getting under your skin, things will only get worse.  Normally if they don't get a response, they will tire of the effort needed to hassle you and stop. 

2.  Record the communications.  The stack of emails or multiple voice mail recordings might get the Judge's attention.  Two or three messages don't amount to much.

3.  Keep cool.  Part of Rule No. 1 really.  The spouse or ex is trying to goad you into a fight and get you to spend time and money on them.  The less of both you spend on this, the better.  

If you are being harassed in some way by a spouse, former boyfriend, girlfriend, or ex, contact us.  There is no substitute for a personal consultation.

Illinois Paternity and Parentage Law Info Section Updated

More information added to the Paternity and Parentage Section, I realized this needed more paternity info as well as the Illinois Parentage statutes.

Contact us to handle your Chicago paternity matter (we also handle cases in suburban Cook County, DuPage County, Will County, as well as Kane and Kendall County).

Does your Illinois divorce Lawyer use FinPlan for Child Support and Maintenance?

FinPlan is a software package developed by a Park Ridge, Illinois accountant and now owned by legal publishing giant Thomson-West.  It is an outstanding package that allows divorce attorneys, judges, mediators, and financial professionals to map out parties' financial situation, figure child support, look at tax implications of different child support and maintenance combinations, and more.  It is a very powerful and versatile tool.  It is not a substitute for hiring a CPA or financial planner, but gives us the ability to accurately compute child support and show you various maintenance and support scenarios quickly.  When you subscribe to FinPlan, you get free initial training that is invaluable in learning how to use the program. 

Essentially, any serious family lawyer will have this software and be familiar with using it.  Most judges rely on it as well.  Does your lawyer use FinPlan's Divorce Planner or Divorce Math, or Equal Shares?

To contact us regarding your Chicago divorce case, please Email or use the Contact Form.